The Rewards of Kendo

It’s so great to have the support of my friends while I’m training for this test. Especially the food bribes. Our next door neighbor has offered to buy me sabazushi if I pass my test! I LOVE saba! That’s incentive enough to rip right through the test. Likewise, a couple of the members of Fuchou have offered drinks if I pass.

Obviously, getting ni-dan is reward enough in itself, but having the backing of people both in kendo and outside feels great too. However, with so many people are cheering for me it makes the possibility of failure that much harder to deal with.

When I failed my very first ikkyu test, I remember the very crushing disappointment, but it wasn’t for me that I felt that way. I felt that I had let down my teacher and my club by not being able to achieve ikkyu.

I know that I’ve carried that first failure with me through the rest of my kendo career. It makes me very nervous about tests, very keenly aware of my own limitations, and what I can and cannot control. Who will I fight? Will they stay too close? Will they dodge? Will I trip during kata? Will I forget a kanji during the written test? Will the heat drag me down? Even though I know that having these fears and these doubts is a poison to my kendo practice, it’s very hard to shake them off. 

In the end, what it comes down to is faith in my own ability and a strong resolve to achieve my goal. There will be time for self reflection after the test, for good or for ill. The most important thing now is I can, and I will.... eat sabazushi.